Best Funny Quotes for Facebook Status Updates

Get best funny facebook status quotes here. If you are addicted to facebook than you may be in the likes game as well. People who use facebook more than 4 hours a day usually love to see likes on their posts and pictures etc. To get likes on their facebook status update and other posts they try to post something unique that people would love. So today we are sharing about 80 funny quotes that you can use to update your fb status.

Best Funny Facebook Status Quotes

Sharing funny quotes as your facebook status is a great way to get a lot of attention without revealing personal information. By updating your status with funny quotes you can get a lot of likes, shares and comments as well. Most of the fb users use facebook to relieve their stress and they want to spend their free time in a good way. When they see something funny, they will like or react on that post for sure. So without any further description we are presenting 80 best funny facebook status quotes. Read all quotes and enjoy!

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.

The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Never interrupt your opponent while he’s making a mistake.

You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail. A best friend is the one sitting next to you saying ‘boy was that fun.

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

It may look like I’m doing nothing, but I’m actively waiting for my problems to go away.

Every rule has an exception, especially this one.

Best Facebook Status Quotes

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

Three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere: ‘Hold my purse.

Men have two emotions: hungry and horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.

My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.

Don’t let your mind wander, Its too little to be let out alone.

Life’s a bitch, if it were easy it’d be a slut.

I’d call you a tool, but even THEY serve a purpose.

Death is life’s way of telling you that you’ve been fired. Suicide is your way to tell life, “you can’t fire me, I Quit!”

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.

Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.

I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos.

X just received a coupon in the mail: Buy one sock, get one FREE! While socks last.

X believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free.

Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you!

oh I’m sorry! i didn’t realise you were giving me a dirty look…i just thought you were ugly like that all the time!!

wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight.

X says don’t look at me in that tone of voice.

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it was meant to be. If it does not, hunt it down & kill it.

Boys will be boys as long as there are no girls in the picture.

Marriage is like going to a restaurant and order your choice from the menu, And then look at neighbouring table n wish you”d ordered that.

If life gives you questions, Google gives you answers.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it pays for internet, which is pretty much the same thing.

Best Funny Status Quotes for Whatsapp

FACEBOOK STORY: Add as friend – Approve -> Write something on wall -Intro – Everyday chatting – Ask number phone – Messaging – Calling – Meeting – Express love – Make relationship status – Hangout – Misunderstanding – Fight – Break up – Unfriend – Block !THE END

The police are on the way to arrest you for stealing my heart, hijacking my feelings, and driving me crazy.

If you are reading this, congrats you know how to read..

Facebook is like a fridge. When you’re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there’s anything good in it

I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.

The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.

I’m not getting older, I’m just becoming a classic..

I’m not 40, I’m eighteen with 22 years experience…

I may be old enough to know better, but I am STILL young enough to DO IT..

My life, My choices, My mistakes, My lessons, Not your business.

That awkward moment when somebody is doing dishes and you slowly put another dish in the sink.

Doctors finally figured out whats wrong with a boys brain; on the left side, there’s nothing right; and on the right side, there’s nothing left…

Tip to reduce weight, first turn your head to the left and then turn it to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.

Do you know the difference between a lady and a woman? A lady does what she’s told and a woman does what she dam well pleases!

Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.

These were the best funny quotes for facebook status. If you like these quotes than don’t forget to share this post with your friends on your social profiles.